


pennyroyal

by ABewilderedBear



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Crying, F/M, M/M, One Shot, frank thinks real hard instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABewilderedBear/pseuds/ABewilderedBear
Summary: love thought about and love expressed.





	pennyroyal

Frank recalls them often.

 

That’s an understatement.

 

He thinks of the carnival everyday of his fucking life, actually. The peace he felt before it all, the atmosphere, Lisa, Frankie, Maria—

 

He sucks in a breath, trying to keep it cool.

 

There are a million ways he could’ve prevented this, he thinks.

 

Everyone, _everyone,_ would tell him that that’s not true.

 

Hearing that makes him hurt because even after all this time, he sure doesn’t feel that way.

 

His heart actually really hurts, in more ways than one. He resists the urge to get up and take something for it. He shouldn’t.

 

His mind drifts to Lisa, who was always so involved in how people were feeling and whatnot, it had initially stunned him. She was always asking how whoever was feeling, if they needed something, did they want her there.

 

She was like him, a worrier.

 

Frankie was a little harder to decipher, but he was definitely more like Maria. Little bit less worried about everything, went with the flow a lot.

 

Both got a bit of his impatience, but maybe that was just the fact that they were just kids.

 

_They were always going to be just kids._

 

His heart clenches suddenly, and Frank sucks in a breath harshly. Tears well up in his eyes and he tries so damn hard to keep it all in. He can’t, and he moves a hand up to bite down on his fist.

 

He hates this, he hates being without them and always feeling so stuck. He doesn’t want to move on but would it help? Would that help him stop feeling like this?

 

In the back of his mind he tells himself he deserves ounce of suffering, and the other tells him that what he’s got now—

 

The person on his chest stirs, holding him a little tighter.

 

“..mm? Frank?”

 

“..yeah?” Frank asks, his voice rough. He swallows, trying to ignore the feeling of tears reaching into his ears.

 

Matt raises his head, turning it up towards Frank’s. “..nightmare?” He mumbles, still sleepy.

 

“No.”

 

Matt nods, slowly bringing his hand up. It’s a careful gesture, as he gently moves his finger along his lover’s face. He knows there’s tears there, but he doesn’t want to miscalculate where he’s putting his hand. Matt gingerly wipes the corner of Frank's eyes, eventually bringing his hand back down to wrap around his waist, the touch grounding him a little.

 

“I love you.” Matt whispers.

 

“I— _fuck,_ Matt, I—” The words won’t come out of his mouth, he’s never been able to for Matt, and he’s so happy to have him and how Matt doesn’t reassure him that it’s okay because it’s fucking _not._ Frank fumbles, crying more and hating himself because he can’t fucking articulate how he feels about Matt. He composes eventually, breathing deeply and gently running a hand through the other man’s hair. He still can’t say it, and it’s killing him inside because Matt deserves someone who can say it, _and what if he never can?_

 

“I know, I love you too.” Matt murmurs once Frank has settled, breaking the silence. There’s no grudge or negativity in his voice, only sincerity. Matt lays his head right on Frank’s chest, near his heart. He had told him Frank’s heartbeat tends to get him to sleep easier, because of the steadiness of it, usually. The familiarity too, he had said.

 

Sure enough, Matt’s breathing starts to slow rather quickly.

 

Frank feels a certain way about him, and he thinks about how maybe he can feel that way and cherish that, and maybe he can love _them_  forever at the same time too.

 

He hesitates, and it’s like there’s chains holding him back from being in that thought comfortably, instead of cautiously.

 

He fights it, and he has that feeling again in the forefront of his mind.

 

That maybe what he’s got now—

 

—will get him through.


End file.
